“i was born for this, born for this, it’s who I am, how could i forget?”
When I was 10 I stood up on a stage with my best friend and sang to an audience
Now at 25 I’m not sure if I’m capable of presenting to an audience let alone performing live
But something within me has always craved acceptance, approval, applause
I’m a singer/songwriter, it makes sense, is only the natural next step, to perform live
I imagine if i did, and it was successful, I would feel like this song
I imagine if i did, and it was unsuccessful, I would feel like a disaster
But if i managed it at ten why not at twenty five ?
The answer - I was fearless as a child. I would try anything, befriend anyone
I learn fear at twelve and the unlearning is taking so long
Fear comes in many different forms, with many different names, to varying degrees
there are phobias, and mental illnesses such as anxiety and ocd that revolve around fear, fear of the world at large, and people, social anxiety
My fear started small and spiralled out of control over the years
After my most recent breakdown I decided I had no room left for fear
Recently i’ve been challenging my fears and winning
I don’t know what my limit is anymore, who knows if I’ll be performing on stage soon, I know that I was born to. I don’t know if i’ll ever regain what I lost at twelve. I hope so
Whatever your particular fear is, i hope you beat it too
Samaritans is 116 123 for anyone who needs it
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